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Life is good. I mean it is relatively good. You could probably say its alright. I have nothing I can really complain about. I have friends who I can spend time with, a family, a bed to go home to. I have all that I could really ever need. I just can't figure out why I feel so anxious.

I can't really explain to my mom that my hands shake uncontrollably when people ask me questions, or that I stay awake at night making visions in my head. I think it is probably just a genetic thing. My grandma worries, my aunt, my mom, my freaking goldfish worries.

"It must be something in the water.", My Mother jokes. Well, we drink bottled water in my house.
I think the main thing is that I feel so lonely. I am utterly surrounded by people, but I may as well be in the desert. Sometimes, I think if I had a boyfriend it wouldn't be so hard. Then, I think to myself, he would just be another whisper in the wind.

I guess I could describe myself as selfless. I have an extremely small self confidence sometimes. I am pretty stubborn at times, and god do I contradict myself. I think that may be my biggest weakness, I go between wanting to be open and full of life, pulling people to me like moths to the light. On the other side I want to be as distant as possible. I want to push people away and draw myself into my room, where it is safe and warm. The worst thing about this is that I usually act like the sun, but I want to be the moon.

Well, that is how I would summarize me.

Life isn't easy, it never has been and never will be. But life can be productive if you put in a little effort. In my eyes, life gives me the opportunity to open up to other people and love everyone. I hope we as people find world peace during my existence because that is something I strive to see.
NOT DONE